It seems that I am once again seeking the right spiritual path for me. I suppose a big part of it is the fact that no matter how much I have meditated, no matter how much I have tried to get in the correct frame of mind during rituals, I never experience that closeness to the Goddess that I see other Wiccans and Pagans talking about on their blogs.
I have identified myself as Wiccan for the past 6 years – I started in December of 2003 – but have yet to have any sort of patron deities. I have no deities that I specifically ascribe to, which of course, is not really a problem, I simply called them Goddess & God. But the closeness that I craved is simply not there. No amount of meditation, ritual, etc has brought me any closer.
Another problem I find is that although at first it felt like I was “home” in my Wiccan faith – now it seems more like I am a guest in someone else’s house – a guest that may well have overstayed my welcome.
So I am once again seeking to find the right path for me. I am trying different things – an experiment if you will. Right now I am going back to the Christian church my best friend attends. I am attending Bible study on Wednesday, reading the Bible, and going to Sunday services as well. If after a couple of months it still does not feel right, I will move on. I will endeavor to start anew with Wicca and Paganism – see if one of them fits me. If not, I will look to things such as Buddhism for spiritual fulfillment.
I know the right path is out there, and I know that it is possible that my needs have changed – that Goddess is telling me that this is not the path I need to tread right now. Either way, it is a great possibility that this blog may cease to exist if my path leads me elsewhere.
Please know that no matter what path I find at the end of my experiment to be the one I choose, I will always love and cherish my Wiccan and Pagan friends, and that no matter what, my mind is always open to the fact that my path is not the right path for others.
May you find what you seek. May the path be revealed. May you always be blessed
This inner journey can be very lonely. I’m glad you are willing to search until you find inner completion. Trust your heart and intuition. Best of luck in your quest.