I know this is going to seem like a couple of ads, but….

There are 3 websites I would like for you to check out.

The first is my good friend (we’ve never met and talk via blog comments, but she’s still considered by me a good friend ) Mama Kelly’s new super secret side project: Blade & Cauldron! I’ve been reading the blog as it comes up (it’s in my feed reader lol) and it’s wonderful!

The second is my best friend, aka Baby Brat (don’t ask lol), and her shop on Artfire. She makes the most adorable, and gorgeous in some cases, keychains, zipper pulls, bracelets, etc I’ve seen. Her items do have a Christian flare in some cases because she is a Christian, but the pieces are beautiful. You can find her at Baby Bratz Designs On Artfire & Baby Bratz Designs. (Note: the 2nd link is still in development right now, so it’ll take you to an “index of/ page” LOL)

The third and final link, is my own. As some of you may know, I am a jewelry designer/maker. I have shops on both Etsy & Artfire, and have my own website as well (although to purchase you do have to go to Etsy & Artfire LOL). Please give Eternal Stardust Designs a visit. You can find links to my Etsy, Artfire, and eBay on the site in the left hand navigation bar. Just a note, I have several items on “Clearance” via eBay – these are steals w/ FREE SHIPPING so check them out!!

Thank you!!

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I love the church I attend. I really do. I’m even involved there. I help out with the Angelfood Ministries distribution, I am now helping to run the overhead projector on Sundays, and I even took over setting up, printing off, and folding/stuffing the Sunday bulletins that are handed out as you enter the Sanctuary.

But I still feel like I’m suffocating. I walk my dog at night and stare up at the moon, wishing I could do more than just pray to the God & Goddess. Oh yes, I read my Bible (I bought 2 of them a Daily Bible & a King James Version back when my taxes had come in), but I don’t read it faithfully every day like my best friend’s mom. (Unfortunately, I think I might be keeping my best friend from reading hers, which is not my intent as it does not offend me at all if she does.)

But I sit in church or Bible Study and find myself thinking “yeah right.” Whoops. It’s not that I mean to be disrespectful at all. Do I believe in Jesus Christ? Yes. But so does the Christian’s Devil. Just because you believe in him, doesn’t mean you follow him.

For reference – one of my biggest problems with Christianity is the utter lack of duality and balance. It makes no sense for a God (male gender only) to create both male & female creatures on earth. If we are made in God’s image, then there *must* be a Goddess there for Him to create the female of our kind as well as all others by. It makes no sense for God to create two genders of everything if there are not two genders of deity. But the Christians refuse to accept this. It drives me bananas. :/

Another problem I have is that people do not understand the true meaning of evolution. Guess what? We didn’t evolve from monkeys even if we do have some similar DNA. Evolution is ADAPTATION. People evolved because they adapted. We DID evolve. It’s been PROVEN. But yet people (Christians especially but others as well) will tell you that we were created exactly as we are now. No we weren’t. Believe me on this one. We were created to evolve. We were created to ADAPT. But people hear “evolve” or “evolution” and automatically believe that it’s someone saying we came from monkeys. *rolls eyes*

Ok, I suppose it is time for me to stop ranting about this. It’s just driving me bananas because I feel the pull of the Goddess, yet I like the Christian church that I attend. I’m being as patient as possible – but I sincerely hope the journey ends soon. :/

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Sometimes I feel like I am seriously going absolutely bat-shit crazy. (Pardon my language but that just seems to be the most appropriate term here.) It just seems like my mind is in a constant whirling state of being.

I like the church that I’ve been attending. I do. I’m even getting involved there – I’m going to be setting up and printing out their weekly bulletin starting in June, I’m also going to be helping run their overhead projector system starting in June, and I help out with the AngelFood Ministries distribution once a month. I go to church on most Sundays, I go to Bible study on Wednesday night.

And yet I feel like I’m just doing these things because someone wants me to. Because my best friend wants me to be a Christian again. Because her mom wants me to be a Christian. Because my friend S and her husband O want me to be. Because my friend A wants me to be. Not because I want to be. Not because I truly believe what they are telling me, because I don’t. I don’t believe that I have to pray to my chosen deity for forgiveness every time I screw up. I don’t believe that I have to confess all the things I’ve done wrong and say how sorry I am to be “saved.” I just don’t believe it.

I believe in the Fae. I believe in Magick. I believe that deity is dual and that there are male and female deities. There are male and female of everything on our precious planet, but not deity?? That doesn’t work for me. I cannot believe in that. It doesn’t make sense.

I know that no matter what I choose my friends will still love me for who I am. Because they know that being a Wiccan does not make me a bad person. They know that just because they don’t agree with my choice of faith does not mean I will not support them, even if they don’t believe I can enter “heaven” unless I am saved by Jesus Christ.

I am still seeking. I don’t want to dismiss Christianity out of hand – because I do enjoy going to church with my friends, I enjoy the company of the people there, but I just… don’t want to feel like I am choosing a path based on what others want for me as opposed to what is right for me. It just wouldn’t be right.

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It seems that I am once again seeking the right spiritual path for me. I suppose a big part of it is the fact that no matter how much I have meditated, no matter how much I have tried to get in the correct frame of mind during rituals, I never experience that closeness to the Goddess that I see other Wiccans and Pagans talking about on their blogs.

I have identified myself as Wiccan for the past 6 years – I started in December of 2003 – but have yet to have any sort of patron deities. I have no deities that I specifically ascribe to, which of course, is not really a problem, I simply called them Goddess & God. But the closeness that I craved is simply not there. No amount of meditation, ritual, etc has brought me any closer.

Another problem I find is that although at first it felt like I was “home” in my Wiccan faith – now it seems more like I am a guest in someone else’s house – a guest that may well have overstayed my welcome.

So I am once again seeking to find the right path for me. I am trying different things – an experiment if you will. Right now I am going back to the Christian church my best friend attends. I am attending Bible study on Wednesday, reading the Bible, and going to Sunday services as well. If after a couple of months it still does not feel right, I will move on. I will endeavor to start anew with Wicca and Paganism – see if one of them fits me. If not, I will look to things such as Buddhism for spiritual fulfillment.

I know the right path is out there, and I know that it is possible that my needs have changed – that Goddess is telling me that this is not the path I need to tread right now. Either way, it is a great possibility that this blog may cease to exist if my path leads me elsewhere.

Please know that no matter what path I find at the end of my experiment to be the one I choose, I will always love and cherish my Wiccan and Pagan friends, and that no matter what, my mind is always open to the fact that my path is not the right path for others.

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My interpretation: Everyone knows that Justice is blind. With her signature blindfold, scales, and sword, Justice reminds us that there is a balance to things. Simply because we think that something is not right or not fair does not make it so, and she reminds us that we must figuratively blind ourselves to make sure that we are seeing things from an objective point of view. Perhaps finding that objectivity is what you need to do in order to find the answers you seek.

Interpretation in the book: This fae wishes you to understand your power and your responsibility. If you are wondering why you are facing a situation, look to your past actions. If you can see how you brought yourself to this place, you can perhaps find a way to balance your karma. If you are facing a decision of how to behave in a situation, consider the future ramifications. Choose your actions wisely, and carefully make a bed you will be happy to sleep in. – From A Guide to Mystic Faerie Tarot by Barbara Moore.

For me, Justice has always been about pointing out when you need to be objective. The reason Justice is blind is so that she can be objective when facing a decision. I usually find her in spreads where a decision must be made and where it appears that there is bias toward one side or the other.

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My interpretation: Our bright and sunny fae of The Sun holds an infant on her lap. Light and love are necessary in order to nurture anything – relationships, plants, animals, people – and The Sun reminds us of this. Her cheerful disposition reminds us that not everything is bad and that we must remember to look for the good in things.

Interpretation in the book: The answer you find here in the Sun fae’s garden is a happy one. You can expect a time of happiness, joyous optimism, and wondrous energy. This is a real gift. Enjoy! – From A Guide to Mystic Faerie Tarot by Barbara Moore.

I’ve had The Sun show up in spreads where everything else more or less pointed to a situation that was not as good as it could be – hence where I see that she reminds us that not everything is bad. But – her sunny disposition is obviously going to provide a happy answer when the rest of the cards show a happy situation!

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My interpretation: The Empress sits cradling stalks of wheat in her arms, a symbol of Mother Earth’s great bounty. Her belly is swollen with child, indicating a new life that is taking form. Your answers may concern that which has already come to pass (the wheat which is already grown) or that which is to come (the child growing in her belly) – and she challenges you to figure out which are the answers you truly seek.

Interpretation in the book: So you find yourself faced with a clear, if challenging, answer. You are in a position to nurture something. You must give enough of yourself to sustain life but not enough to smother the unique personality of the person, project, relationship, or situation you find entrusted to your care. – From A Guide to Mystic Faerie Tarot by Barbara Moore.

I don’t know. Myself I have never found anything that indicates nurturing in any of my decks when looking at the Empress. She has always represented things finished (the wheat sheaves she cradles in this card) and things still coming (the child she carries).

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Here is a bit more information I have come up with while searching the internet for Imbolc information and lore. This information comes from Wicca.com, where there is much more information than I am presenting here.

Deities of Imbolc: All Virgin/Maiden Goddesses, Brighid, Aradia, Athena, Inanna, Gaia, and Februa, and Gods of Love and Fertility, Aengus Og, Eros, and Februus.

Symbolisms of Imbolc: Purity, Growth & Renewal, Re-union of Goddess and God, Fertility, dispensing of the old to make way for the new.

Foods of Imbolc: Pumpkin seeds, sunflower seeds, poppyseed cakes, muffins, scones, and breads, all dairy products, peppers, onions, garlic, raisins, spiced wines and herbal teas.

Incense of Imbolc: Basil, bay, wisteria, cinnamon, violet, vanilla, myrrh

Activities of Imbolc: Candle lighting, snow hiking, stone gathering, searching for signs of spring, making of corn dollies, priapic wand making, decorating of ploughs, feasting, and bon fires might be lit.

Just a bit more information. This was all taken from Wicca.com where you can find a lot more information and lore on Imbolc.

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My interpretation: The Star fae lounges lazily as she pours the water out of the jugs she holds in each hand. The water pours from these jugs eternally – kind of the way life flows eternally through the universe. While some water is merely poured back to the river from whence it came, some of the water is poured out onto the earth to allow the earth to replenish and spring forth with life. Look to yourself to see what you are wasting (talents) and what you are allowing to spring forth with life.

Interpretation in the book: Your answer, should you find yourself by The Star’s pool, should be very welcome. Whatever has been trying your spirit, whatever difficulties you’ve been facing, whatever sadness has torn your heart, the Star brings a time of serene quiet; a safe, cool place where you can be refreshed and find hope. Once you are renewed and feeling stronger, she will serve as your guiding star to help you find your way. But first, rest. – From A Guide to Mystic Faerie Tarot by Barbara Moore.

To me it seems that she is giving nourishment and life-sustaining water to the earth with one hand, and allowing the water to just run back to the river with the other – more or less to me, symbolizing that talents are either being allowed to wither without the necessary things to develop them, or that talents are being nourished and allowed to flourish, though perhaps not the right ones.

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My interpretation: Step right up and spin the Wheel of Fortune! Your fate is not in the hands of a wheel but it may seem like it is. Just because the wheel stops somewhere does not mean your life has to take that path. The wheel shows you what you could have – it is your decision as to whether you want to take that path or another. Do not feel as though the wheel has say over your life. It does not. You do.

Interpretation in the book: Your answer isn’t so much about what is happening to you now, but rather about how you face what is happening. See all challenges as opportunities. Look for spiritual lessons as you experience sadness. Remember to express gratitude through your joys. The more you learn to do this, the less traumatically you will be affected with each turning of the wheel. – From A Guide to Mystic Faerie Tarot by Barbara Moore.

To me, the Wheel of Fortune does not turn until we decide to turn it ourselves. We turn the Wheel to see what we will find – the problem is, some people believe that what the Wheel shows them is what is set in stone and is what will happen. So one must always remind them that nothing is set in stone and that things can be changed.

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